broken hearts and crosswords

I picked up the crossword this morning, ordered my coffee, and drove down the highway telling myself I need to stay angry. I can't keep going back. It doesn't matter what others think. They don't know the truth and they don't have to know. I don't have to tell anyone and I don't have to lie for him anymore. I ask myself how I got here. When did I throw my self respect out the door? I wonder at how he twists everything in to my fault. I make a scene when he throws his napkin at me and storms out leaving me to choke down what's left at the table alone. I make a scene when it's you who calls my friends and brings them in to... I apparently control your decisions, your choices for action, I force you to say the hurtful things you say - untrue or true.

And in true form - you don't have the respect, after two years, to say to my face that it's done, to say anything at all, you're always running away. So I'll say it here... you're not welcome in my life anymore. No matter how you dress shit up - it still smells like shit.

And in the end --- you're a good person somewhere deep down, but you're not a good person to me and it's unfortunate that your self righteous attitude prevents you from seeing me, you, and us. It's unfortunate because it doesn't get any easier buddy.

Goodbye.